11:49 PM

I realised that these days i'm very moody and very emotional. And a surprising fact is that I allow myself to be moody and emotional. I welcome them actually. I dont know. It maybe because of ____. and i feel so failure and helpless in it that leads to my feelings. I seriously dont know. Now, i feel as if i can summon my tears any moment.

So anyway, for my studies, I have planned it all out. I shall not go for recess and sit in class and study. After all, these days are not long days cause no CCAs. So, its ok to skip recess. After all, i'm used to having an empty stomach until 12+pm. It can also help me on my diet. I shall also start eating healthily (i dun noe how to spell D: )

And for after holidays, I am going to find for someone to run with me after school. Preferably at the basketball court. I realised that I got addicted to feelings the sweat drip after running. It makes me feel accomplished. (: then i can slim down (: then i will go for rebonding of hair. Then my image will be so much better. No ugly fat disastrous hair YIHUA. maybe i'm just depressed.
__________________________________
This is something I wrote when I am quite emotional. So, you can skip this part if you dont really bother.After reading one of Guofang's blog post and experiencing it today, I think some people never really consider about other people's feelings. Today someone said something to me. (Saturday) It really kept me thinking the whole day. The conversation kept replaying in my mind. I may smile back to your reply. But have you ever thought how I really felt internally? Maybe these days i'm a little sensitive and sad. But come on, who wont be hurt by that? Every time i talk to you, i always check my sentences to make sure that it doesnt hurt you in anyway. At times, i rather keep silent than to say things that have any slightest possibility of hurting you in any way. Today, you not only said it out but didnt apologise or whatever. You just said as if i'm someone without feelings. Enough ok? I do not want to keep up with the image that i built up. Being nice, smiling, accepting everything and rebutt by acting egoistic. Everything is just a image bubble that i use to protect myself from the hurt from being shown. Come on man. I'm invisible to the society. Think about how others feel.
At times, I really do not want to be so sensitive to other people's feelings. The things i get back in return all seem so negative. I worry about anyone getting angry, pissed, getting upset, finding flaws in me. I want to be a nice person, so much that I end up being silent and being forgotten. It hurts and its a torture.

I will end off with a quote.

I love you but have I ever existed in your world?

1:52 AM

:(
today i injured my hand during swimming. NYAA sucked like shit today.
first, we needed to jump into the pool, literally. I jumped wrongly, applying pressure on my hand when I jumped. My hand basically hit onto the wall. yup, so my hand has very red lines on my hand. It hurts really badly when pressed. So i seriously wonder if its internal bleeding. It's not just a bruise of smth cause it only happened one hour or so after the impact. I'm really worried. :(
anyway, today told Sarah about my problem. Hope she keeps it to herself ><

Infront of me is this humongous stack of work that is waiting to be completed. But today's swimming really drained me off all the energy I have. I seriously hate how the school schedules the work. EOYs is coming REALLY soon. But they still have NYAA, Fire drills. WTH. Firedrill. Maybe something that we should learn. But NYAA, its just something to gain points that would not help us along the way. And worse, we had to stay in school until 3.30. and ended at 6. No transport provided baack home. Thanks school, I appreciate it so very much.

Photos for outings are not up yet. Apologise sincerely.
Photos of my injured hand is taken. Not uploaded into my computer yet. Basically cause I'm lazy. Yup, accept that. sucker.

bye. may you pass your EOY which I ace, this time

. 8:00 PM


7:41 PM

Hey people (((:
exams are ending soon. sad. really sad. havent really study this holiday which is really regretful. oh well. yupyup. so, really regret the way i spent this holiday. everyone must have been studying like mad. Sigh.

Anyway, today went outing with class ((:
Went plaza singapura with 6 people ((: some had family things on and some was notified last minute so cant ):
oh well. so we all planned to watch movie de. but cause we were late so didnt make it to 'the proposal'. haha. nvm (: after exams we will go out again (: so went Fish and Co. to eat. Shan't describe how sad and sorry i feel now. oh well. Sorry ms lan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
while waiting for the food we played truth or double dare. really fun (: two certain people needed to both eat a fry without kissing each other ^^ felt really nervous for them and I thought the girl was really quite brave to actually be willing to do it infront of so many people and a canon camera. haha. other fun double dares came up. we didnt really pick truth... after dinner, we were kinda bored. so we played a game whereby there will be a murderer, detective and other norms. rather fun. first few times i was norms. Last few rounds I was the murderer. Then last 2 rounds I was the detective. Then the problem about not being able to wink came up. So we decided to use the methods of holding hands under the table. was rather fun. As the detective, i sorta got 'skip' card. When the murderer wants to kill me, it will be skipped to the next person (: so yupyup, i didnt die in the game. really fun actually, really great ice breaking game :)
so as the time went on, it was 9.35 le! time really flies when you're having fun. i so totally agree lah! so we walked to the MRT and the guys suggested to go bowling but majority needed to go home ): so went back home by train with my friend (: really nice to accompany me (: haha. maybe its just my current happy mood that makes me so appreciative. haha. yup realise he live super near one of my friends. so shocked lah! and his school is so far. lol, really admire his patience to travel so far just to school. amazing. lol. but Singapore's quite small la.

so came home it was already 10+ everyone was home already (: haha. Told my mum about the day and went to bathe. so tired now...

anyway, i started to watch Fated to love you it's super nice!!! and touching!!!!!!!!! haha. i'm like officially addicted to it lah! and the song in it is super nice. 我的快乐. it's really nice especially at the climax, the melody is really nice.

photos will be up another time when i get the pictures from ven (: or you guys can just go fb see lah. seriously. cause i dont know when is the next time i bother to post again.

haha. bye people!! hope you guys enjoyed your day as much as me (:

nightz everyone :]

ps. spare me from my current happy mood. haha. i'm really tired. nightz! 11:50 PM

shit. I realised i have yet to do the IT assignment. darn. haha.who cares. wouldnt do any difference even if i do it now.

anyway, sorry for not updating for so long. ^^ had quite an interesting holiday. Mum took leave :D so was not lonely at home. really love her :D

Tomo have gb drill test. nid to go so early D: nooo. but anyway, just now was polishing boots while talking to sheryl. half way down the stairs after melting my kiwi, while talking to her, i dropped the kiwi. and it smeared on the stairs my mum just mopped. i feel so bad now. anyway, tomo drill test i wont be very happy and wont really be 'there' if you get what i mean. so dont really get on my nerves. but i'll try hard to pass this stage 2 drill. if i fail, i will be very sad. i mean it.

Saturday going for tuition class outing :D happy :D i was quite bothered actually. i was very worried that PlazaSingapura doesnt have neoprints. cause initally we were suppose to go the cineleisure near Taka. But i initiated PS so... kinda worried that some of them will be upset. BUT nvm :D confirm PS got le. ^^

before school closed, we had some activities. Then took back report book. I think i wont be able to make to the stream i desire for. sigh.

all photos of my life are all on fb. go see if you're free. :D

on Farmville i level 17 le :D
goes to show how much i study.zz

ciao.

please protect her from anything unpleasant dear lord.
amen. 9:31 PM